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Losing Dad

I lost my dad in July and I am one of those people that has tried to keep myself busy, sitting

around has such a negative affect on my mental health, I can literally worry myself into a situation and then get so frustrated because – I believe in the law of attraction and so have to try mentally fight my way back to being positive.

That being said not dealing with my feelings is not the answer also. – I told you I’m only human too.

Dad lived in a rented flat and so we didn’t have the luxury of being able to deal with grief first – the rent was paid until the end of the month and having worked in lettings I understand that the landlord shouldn’t lose money for the property, however to pay another month to store dad’s clothes and furniture just didn’t make sense.

Myself and my brothers went after a couple of days to get things sorted. We gifted the furniture on a Facebook group, there was nothing wrong with the furniture, Tv, fridge freezer and probably could have sold it – but if you’re selling then people ask do you deliver etc and try to barter – we didn’t have the head for that – when something is being given away for free – if they want it, they will find a way to come and get it! Which is good! On a Wednesday afternoon I uploaded the photo’s and by 7pm that evening everything had been collected – and what was better is that I knew they were going to homes that needed them.

What was nice was that dad didn’t have much personal belongings, but what he did have were newspaper clippings of when my brother was trialling for Goalkeeping, letters that we had written to him through a difficult time, and photo’s that were of what Dad looked like to us as we were growing up, when he played football and we had afternoons in the pub. He was a good father and me and my brothers spending a few hours together laughing and reminiscing was part of our healing. I have kept his hat (it is the daftest hat and I peed myself laughing when I first saw him wearing it!) and a ring that I will have on my wedding bouquet somehow. My older brother has Dad’s passport which I remember him having the photo taken for, and my younger brother has got his jumper and the newspaper clippings that he never knew dad had.

All his clothes were taken to charity – it was difficult – but what am I going to do with a 64-year-old man’s wardrobe.

It is totally understandable why some people think it is way too emotional to take clothes etc to charity soon after a passing, especially when someone was young, or wasn’t ill when they passed.

Some may feel that taking belongings are parts of their loved ones and even washing the mug they last drunk out of could be too much.

Grief and trauma are two of the top triggers that someone can start hoarding behaviours, once that is established then counselling can be arranged to start the journey to getting your home to be a comfortable space for you again.

Whatever your situation is, don’t deal with it alone. There are charities you can phone that will listen to you if you don’t have much family. Talk to someone xx

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